What am I? Another version of Hester Prynne??

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery”  Matthew 5:32

If this is the case, then I need to leave my current relationship and I can never enter into another one, again, for the rest of my life.  If I do,  any potential husbands would become an adulterers??? This doesn’t seem fair to me.

I’m so confused.  This makes me sad.  All of this has came about because I joined a “Christian” forum.  Someone who CLAIMED to be a minister, read my biography and told me that I was “living in sin and was little more than a Jezebel”.  Wth???

Yes, I was married.  Twice, in fact.  Once for about 30 days and the second time for almost 9 years.  I made poor choices because I was a young, scared,  single-mom.   Oh, and stupid…very stupid.  I didn’t leave either of them because of their unfaithfulness…..I did it because I made the wrong choices in mates and realized it after the fact.  Actually….as for the first marriage, the truth is that I knew it when I said “I Do”.  It was like a rolling stone that just got away from me.  He asked, I said yes, and before I knew it…..It had turned into this big deal and I didn’t have the balls to get out of it…..I just let it happen.  (Sorry for that, Rick).   The second marriage took a little longer.  After the first year, I wondered if I made the right choice….by year five…I KNEW I’d made the wrong choice, but I was stuck.  Completely.

My current sweetie says that he will only marry ONCE.   With that being said….according to this scripture, if he marries me, he too becomes an adulterer.   That doesn’t seem fair to him.  He’s a wonderful person who happened to fall in love with me….why should he be given such a title for simply following his heart????

Does this mean that I’ve had my chance at a happy marriage and because I was so young and stupid with my choices in men, I am now not worthy of a loving husband, EVER?

Because my sweetie says that he will only marry once and the fact that he takes The Bible to heart, I’m wondering if he ever feels that by being with me, living in sin and all…..he needs to keep his options open for a more christian-like woman?  After all, as of now, he’s  not an adulterer, he’s merely a fornicator (which is a lesser offense in The Bible, from what I can tell).  Apparently he has to marry my adulterous butt in order to be an adulterer himself.

But me??  Well, I guess I have a giant, albeit invisible,  “A” on my chest.  I received it when I divorced my first husband…..sorry to the 2nd husband.  I guess that I doomed you to hell without even knowing it?!?!

Sigh.

UPDATE!

This was REALLY bothering me…..so I had to dig deeper and get some advice.  This is what I found.  Apparently, I CAN marry again and yes, my husband would become an adulterer because of marrying me.  HOWEVER….as long as we ask for forgiveness, we will be forgiven.  OKAY.  Good.  lol

Personally though, after MUCH soul searching, I’ve decided that God would NEVER send me to hell for divorcing and re-marrying…..Jesus died for my sins and my God is a forgiving God.  I don’t even know why I let that crazy preacher on the forum upset me in the first place.  I will never again to go a Christian forum for help with anything AGAIN.  Obviously they are full of nutjobs and trolls.   I have a beautiful life and it’s all because of my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Oxycontin, I think you’ve taken enough of them….

Rest In Peace:

Dad (Buster Broughton)
Dale Broughton
Shaun Adkins
Boomer Moore
Scott Blair
Tracy Thomlin
Sherman Tracey
Joey Estep
Pierre Bloomfield
Anicia Cooper
Jeff Hickman
Heather Tolbert
John Conley
Tammy Evans
Bub Miller
John John Sizemore

Anthony Paul Watson

…………

There’s no place like home.

My guy and I just found out that we have 12 months to find a new place to live. For the past three years, we’ve been renting a wonderful place from his parents. It’s so wonderful, in fact,  that his Mama wants it back.   Now, 12 months seems like a long enough time to make solid plans….however as of now, I am unemployed and he is self employed. I graduate on May 7th with my Bachelor’s degree and hope to find a job soon, but the job prospects around here are lackluster, to say the least.   I’m hoping that my 20 years of work experience will help.  Statistically, it should, I guess we shall see.  Another problem is that I have a bankruptcy on my record that is only 4 years old…..that’s not gonna help, but it is what it is.

Am I stressing? Maybe a little, but I prayed this morning and I immediately felt better.   God has always watched over us and I know that he continues to do so.   However, we still have to do our part…..and we will.   I’m hopeful, as always.

I’m a lover AND a fighter.

I’ve been with my guy for six years now.  I love him to pieces.  He loves me.  This, I know.  However, we still have our fights.   I’ve long believed that relationships are our mirrors into ourselves, bringing out the best and the worst, but always the potential within us. I will always believe that.  I like the idea of learning more about myself through the mistakes that I make, the arguments that I have and the lessons that I learn  from them.

We love.  We fight.  We love.  We fight.  We love.  Is this the norm?  Yes, I have decided that it is so.  It is my belief  that fighting is normal in a relationship.   I’ve been in three relationships in my life.  The first two, we fought and I ended it on both counts.  Why?  Because they weren’t worth fighting with, they were abusive people that didn’t care about my feelings and I didn’t care about theirs.  But this time?  This time is different.

I know people that have been married for 20+ years and say that they fought like cats and dogs for the first 10 or 15 years because of family responsibilities, finances  and differences of opinion.  I know others that bailed out after just a year or two because they just couldn’t hack it.   I  like to think that the earlier of the two were truly in love and it worked because they made it work and the later of the two were just too wrapped up in themselves to care about the other.  Too young and selfish to know better.  Not ready for the “adult pants” that they put themselves into.

The fact is, if we (my guy and I) didn’t have so many outside influences, I don’t know what we would REALLY fight about.   If the family dramas and kid responsibilities didn’t exist, we would fight over chores, I suppose.  We already do.  lol  *Reminder to self….when the kids are gone, buy a smaller house*

I wonder sometimes….do we strive on drama?  Does it keep us going?  Does it force us to learn more about the other??  Is it our relationship professor??

Also know that nobody is physically hurt in these fights.  We would get a ring for that.  And no, not a wedding ring either.  lol  Not so sure that will ever happen….but who knows.  We may shock everyone one day.

My what a tangled web we weave!

Lord help me. I’m in the middle of an affair. A person very close to me has confided in the fact that they are seeing someone else behind their (in)significant others back. I love this person. They aren’t happy. I know this to be true. However, I don’t want to KNOW for TOO much longer than anyone else!! It’s kind of unsettling for me (even though I know that the (in)significant other is not the right person for them) and its made me think about the very few friends that kept such a secret for me over 6 years ago.  Yes, I myself carried on an affair for 3 months with my (very)significant other behind my ex-husbands back. It was the worst three months ever! All I could think about was being with my love!!  I hope these people get things taken care of soon. I hate being the only one that knows and I cannot wait for them to be able to be happy, with each other.

Well, okay, I DID tell my (very)significant other. I tell him everything. And you fine people, of course. lol.

Oxy’s. Again. Favorite topic of mine.

This past Monday, A&E television did an “Intervention In-Depth” special on my hometown.   It saddened me, to say the least, to see Portsmouth on a GLOBAL program but it truly is a story that needs to be told.    For the past couple of days, I’ve been reading comments, posts, etc. in regards to the program and I have a few things that I want to say about it as well.

First off, the locations.  A lot of Portsmouth residents are upset because they feel that the show scouted the seediest and darkest corners of the town.   I feel that the residents are wearing rose colored glasses.  They need to leave for awhile and come back and see it with a new set of eyes.  There is nothing beautiful about that town anymore.

Secondly, that fucking refrigerator.   That refrigerator alone made me sick.  My children have never opened a fridge like that in their lives!!!   From what I could tell, the father had already been home for 2 days before the mother got back….he lived there CLEAN and SOBER for 2 days with those kids and never bothered to clean it?!?!?!   Hell, he didn’t clean anything….it wasn’t until his wife came home that ANYTHING started to get clean.  WTF????   I wish I could just take up all of those suffering kids and give them all the lives that they deserve.   I really, really do.   I mean, COME ON!!!   Trash, moldy food and CAT SHIT laying around the house?!?!?!   Where the hell are children services???   Oh, I know.   OVER WORKED!!!!!

And lastly, the doctors and the pill mills taking all the blame.    I agree with everyone about the pill mills and doctors.   I even agree that it’s because of the doctors that SOME PEOPLE are now addicts.   However, you cannot take the blame off of the addicts themselves.   We are ALL responsible for our own choices.   At the end of the day, they are doing it to themselves.   I have no sympathy for any drug addict, not even an alcoholic.   They make their own choices.   I can say this, my own father bailed out on us when I was a young teen.  He worked at the prison, hurt his back, went to Doctor Borders and Doctor Proctor (WAY back in the day…that’s how long the drug problem has existed in that town), he got HOOKED, but he could have stopped if he really wanted to.   If someone is genuinely hurt and is not a drug addict, they will take their medication as PRESCRIBED.   My father however, chose to be a drug addict.   OD’d on oxy’s 3 years ago, right in that piss poor town.   Didn’t have a damn thing to his name when he died, but had 40 oxy 80′s in his pocket.   Priorities of a drug addict right there.

Before I go, I want to do what A&E should have done for Angie Pelphrey and her mission with her DONATIONS ONLY,  drug rehab facility.  I’ve donated to this facility.  My family attends the church that started the facility.  While the turnover rate IS high, there are also MANY success stories that have come out of that place.  Two of them are family members of my own.  I can honestly say that they have new lives and are doing very well.  Anything that you can send, even if its a check for $10.00, WILL HELP.  You can send any donations to this address:

New Beginnings Freedom Hall, P.O. Box 472, Piketon, Ohio  45661